My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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