all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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