You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
