Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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