LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's the barista slut.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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