She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
