I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
