My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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