He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
