in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
