would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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