those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
