Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
