i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
