So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
