I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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