Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
