last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
