Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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