Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
