Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
