The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
