My underwear smells like fireworks.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
