That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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