Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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