Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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