I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
