im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
