Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
