I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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