you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
