I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
