remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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