So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
