it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
