people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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