he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
