do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
