You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
