she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
