My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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