sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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