Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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