i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
