So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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