Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
