I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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