I need to stop coming to work sober
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
