Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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