i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The feeling are messing with the penis
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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